Before going any further, let me make it clear that this article is not, in any way, condoning violence. (Sorry to disappoint you.) It won't talk about the neatest way to dispose of body parts, or help you figure out how to avoid jail time for opening up a can of whoop-a** on your neighbor.

However, after careful study, I've realized that what you need to promote your business effectively are the same things you need to commit the perfect murder. (Hypothetically, of course; remember, no humans were hurt in the creation of this article.)

Here's how...

1) You must have means. In this case, "means" refers to the tools you need to market your business. I'm not talking about business cards or the perfect suit. Those pieces are important, but even more basic are the things that allow you to really connect with people and be heard.

• You need an elevator speech: a short, 20-second spiel that tells someone what you do. (If you don't have one, work with your agency to create one.)
• Another key "means" is the ability to make small talk. Obviously not everyone is gifted with the natural talent to talk to a fencepost, but cultivate this one; it's worth it.
• And perhaps the most important means of all: willingness. You need to be bold, brassy, and fearless (at least to a degree). Remember that that you're doing all of this work for a reason (also called "motive").

2) What's your motive? Simply put, you need a motive to promote your business. Why are you doing all this? For most folks, the biggest and most important motive is simple: money...cashola...greenbacks...moolah. Earning money to keep the doors open is a powerful incentive, and is perhaps the greatest motivator.

However, money isn't the only reason for promoting your business. Building a reputation in your industry and/or your geographic area is another strong motive. It's gratifying to be recognized as a credible and reliable authority for your products and services, and the boost to our self-image can be significant. That can spur even the most reluctant to reach beyond themselves and talk up their offerings.

Another motive is the ability to impact the future of your industry. As your reputation grows and your influence reaches beyond the confines of your office, people may start to seek you out for your thoughts, ideas and suggestions on ways to improve the state of the larger business world. They've come to understand that you're a thought leader in your world, which means your ideas and opinions have inherent value. With that kind of influence, you may have opportunities to extend your reach far beyond the lifecycle of your business.

3) There must be opportunity. When it comes to promoting your business, there are literally dozens of opportunities if you look for them. Have you ever heard the adage that if you focus on the problem, the problem gets bigger; if you focus on the solution, the solution gets bigger? In much the same way, once you decide to look for opportunities to promote your organization, you'll see them everywhere.

• Talking to your son's Little League coach? Maybe he needs an accountant.
• Chatting up a woman at the doctor's office? She may be interested in using your pet-sitting services.
• Is there a woman in your church who's starting her own business? She could be the next client for your marketing consultancy.

The key is to look for opportunities...once you start looking, you'll see how abundant they are.

Means. Motive. Opportunity. The three keys to promoting your business.

Now, get out there and make a killing.

I'm only three degrees from Kevin Bacon. And I'm three degrees from Hillary Clinton. In fact, I'm only two degrees from Barack Obama. (Sadly, Cal Ripken, Jr. is out of my network.)

How do I know this? Because LinkedIn tells me so.

LinkedIn and other networking services like Facebook, Twitter, StartUp Nation, Qapacity, Classmates.com exist for one reason: to connect people with other people. The reason for the connection and the tone of the introduction may vary depending on the networking site, but the mission is still the same.

Social networking sites are the virtual equivalent of, "I know a guy who knows a guy." And since most folks want to be helpful in some way, they're usually more than happy to introduce you to "the guy."

How to request and make use of that introduction is really the point of this article. How can you use your social networking sites most successfully? There are six degrees for that, too:

• First Degree: Populate yourself. Join several social networks. Make sure they're relevant to your business and personality profile so that you can reach more appropriate targets (it won't help you if you're the only adult professional with a MySpace page). Familiarize yourself with each one you use and join groups so you can build a community. Networking is a numbers game; make the numbers work for you.
• Second Degree: Find the target. Every social networking site offers you a way to "find people." If there's a specific person you want to meet (say, the purchasing manager of your dream client), look for them...everywhere. Check all of your networks (per the first degree) so you don't miss any opportunities.
• Third Degree: Learn who your target is. This idea holds true whether your target is a hoped-for client, a potential employee or a long-lost friend. Before you reach out to this person, you want to know as much as you can about them. Where do they work now and where have they worked in the past? What are their hobbies? Do they volunteer somewhere? Get to know and understand them, and your overtures will be more informed...and more readily received.
• Fourth Degree: Look for the connectors. There's a social theory that proposes that some people in the world are connectors. They're the folks who know someone in every city...in every walk of life...who do every conceivable job. And more importantly, these connectors delight in introducing those people to others. Chances are, if your target is well-known in the industry or community, the connectors you know will know someone who can help get you to your target.

Sometimes, you may find that you have several connectors who can help you reach your target. If that's the case, start with the strongest one for the initial intro but don't lose sight of your "supporting connectors." If your target perceives that you know many of the same people, they'll see you as a valuable connection and wonder why you haven't crossed paths before.

• Fifth Degree: Think about what you want. There's nothing more uncomfortable than being introduced to someone at a cocktail and, after the initial three minutes of conversation, having nothing to say to them. Believe it or not, that same awkwardness is possible online as well. So before you ask your connector to make the introduction, think about what you're trying to accomplish by this communication. Do you want a new board member for your pet nonprofit? Do you want to find out if a potential new-hire is worth training? Do you want to secure an appointment with a hard-to-reach prospect? Plan it out in advance so you have a ready follow-up after the initial contact.
• Sixth Degree: Seek out the introduction. Now that you know who you want to reach, how you want to reach them, and what you want to accomplish, it's time to make the ask. Be specific in your inquiry to your connector. And make sure they're comfortable connecting you with your target. If for some reason they aren't, don't give up: ask for an alternative option. Try something like, "I can understand that this request could put you in an awkward position since you're no longer working with that client. Do you know someone else who could introduce me?" Or maybe, "How would you recommend I try to connect with them if not through you?"

Actively using your social network to develop a community takes time, and it can be uncomfortable the first time or two. But once you get the hang of it, you'll be amazed at how time-efficient it can be and wonder how you ever got along without it.

So, what's next? Go forth and network!

Next month, we'll discuss how you can make your website "Flashier"!

In light of the recent occurrences of the H1N1 (swine flu), it may seem counter-intuitive to think that contagion is ever a good thing.

My friend, you could not be more wrong.

As marketers in a digital world, we seek to be ever-contagious so that our clients, friends and fans (Facebook and otherwise) willingly spread the word to all who may need our services.

Specifically in the online realm, going viral is akin to hitting the motherlode. It's usually the most cost-effective way to let people know about your offerings... it takes advantage of word-of-mouth referrals, which are far more likely to elicit a change in consumer behavior than most other forms of promotion... and it warms up a cold call faster than you can melt an Italian ice in July.

So what's the trick? How do you know when you've reached American Idol fame or launched the next "Elf Yourself" promotion? That is the $64,000 (or more) question.

There are dozens of theories floating around about what makes a winning viral campaign, and many professionals in the marketing and technical world claim to know the secret, but the truth is, no one really has the definitive answer. (If they did, they'd be packaging that knowledge and touting their successes on an infomercial.)

What do we know? The most popular viral campaigns often include three key elements:

• You're just like me! Viral marketing depends on building an instant emotional connection with your audience so they can identify with you. Think about American Idol and America's Got Talent: viewers are glued to those shows because those folks are -- quite literally -- from our own neighborhoods. The recent appearances of Susan Boyle on Britain's Got Talent demonstrate that phenomenon in spades. (Really now, she was amazing, wasn't she?)
• When it comes to viral, we're all from Missouri. Most of us find it easier to connect with a visual message (so say our Midwestern friends in the "Show Me State"), and the most successful viral marketing campaigns use video to build an instant bridge with the audience. Whether that video is a homegrown work showing a bride's wedding gaffe or an animated dancing elf, the video makes the story.
• Did you hear the one about...? The third common denominator to successful viral campaigns is that they tell a story with a believable premise. Rather than predicate the story on a UFO landing or the discovery of Atlantis, they start with something credible and familiar like a husband giving his wife a vacuum cleaner for their anniversary. (Raise your hand if you see someone you know.)

Exactly how to combine these elements is the trick that everyone's trying to figure out. But when you hit on the right combination, it's just like Vegas, baby: lights flash, bells sound, beautiful Vanna-like models shower you with prizes and Ed McMahon himself brings you a giant check.

Well, almost.

Next month, we'll talk about tags and bookmarking as a way to enhance your online experience.

As postage rates continue to rise, it's more important for you to find less expensive ways to reach customers. So, why not join those businesses that are turning to e-communications to promote themselves?

The three most common e-mail communications are:

• Custom e-mails: For targeted customers, a well-crafted and personalized email sent from a high-ranking person in your organization can quickly open the door to a new relationship.
• e-Blasts: These are short, postcard-like pieces that deliver snippets of information, like announcing a holiday special, or introducing new hours or a new location.
• e-Newsletters: These pieces are longer and typically work much like a printed newsletter, with several short headlined articles and story-related graphics or pictures.

Remember that all of these items are delivered to your prospect's inbox, so it's important that you pay attention to a few points:

• It's all about who you know. Although it seems obvious, many clients forget that in order to reach out to customers via e-mail, you need a list of e-mail addresses. So, how can you beef up your mailing list?
• Add a sign up form to your website.
• Run a special offer for first-time subscribers to your list. For example, give newbies a coupon for a discount or BOGO offer, or enter them in a drawing for a chance to win a really cool prize.
• Include a "forward to a friend" link in your e-communications so your current subscribers can easily refer you to someone else. Once people know how great your email is, they'll want to sign up too! 
• It's all about who you are. Although often overlooked, the "from" address is the first thing many subscribers will read, and it can be the thing that will encourage them to open your e-mail. If you want the e-mail to have a more personal feel, you may want to use your CEO's email address there. If not, maybe it makes more sense to use a generic e-mail address like "info@...".
• It's all about knowing what to do.  No one wants to open an email that sounds boring... especially if it's from a company they don't know. Instead, try starting your subject line with a call-to-action. Verbs like "Read..." or "Act Now..." or "Join..." all encourage readers to get involved. And of course, don't forget to keep the subject line simple and short.
• It's all about getting by the gatekeeper. A spam filter is like a net that catches email which appears to be junk. The challenge is that each e-mail vendor's spam filters looks for a specific list of things, so finding a way to not get caught in any of those nets can be a major hurdle. The good news is that while each e-mail vendor has a different set of filters in place, there are some things they all look for. You can reduce your chances of getting stuck in "spam-land" by following a few simple rules:
• Avoid using these in your subject line: the word "free," a dollar sign ($), an exclamation point (!), or words typed in all capital letters. 
• Don't use a solid graphic image in the body of your e-mail. Instead, use a combination of live text and graphics.
• It's all about saying what you mean. Again, this suggestion may sound basic, but it's important to write good content that is relevant to your clients. By writing about topics your audience relates to, you'll build your readership rate (i.e., the number of people who actually open and read your email) and people will start looking forward to your emails.
• It's all about timing. Statistics show that readership rates for e-mails are the highest on Tuesdays and Wednesday between 10am and 2pm, so think about when you want to blast your audience. (FYI: Tuesday is also statistically the most productive work day.) It's thought that people are either too busy or too distracted at other times of the week to read non-essential emails.
• It's all about using the right tools. If an agency codes your e-communications using HTML, they're probably well aware of the fact that you can use only old-school HTML to build it because e-mail services don't recognize CSS. (If you're using a freelancer rather than an established agency, you may want to mention this to them.)

Another good option for creating a custom look for your e-communications is to use a service like Constant Contact or Cooler Email. These database services do everything from managing your e-mail list (for a small fee) to offering you a whole range of designed templates. With their help, even a novice can create a great looking e-blast without being a full-time developer!

E-communications can be an effective and cost-efficient tool to help you promote your business and connect with clients. So don't be afraid to experiment...

And next month, we'll discuss ways you can use viral online marketing.